Dull guys finish first
From canoe.ca
Survivor’s Ethan nice, but, yawn …
By BILL BRIOUX
Toronto Sun
Global called yesterday offering a phoner with Ethan Zohn, the 27-year-old soccer goalie who won Survivor: Africa. It’s all part of their evil plan to keep me writing about this $%&*!# show until it comes back again Feb. 28.
Ethan says he already received the US$1 million cheque from executive producer Mark Burnett and host Jeff Probst. “It has two commas in it,” he points out.
What’ll he buy? “I really don’t know,” he says, other than wedding presents for his brothers, who are getting hitched. “I have to get them something big,” he said. “I guess four or five CDs are out of the question?” I asked. “Maybe a gift certificate,” he said.
To paraphrase Groucho Marx, I thought my razor was dull until I interviewed Ethan.
Still, he came across as hands down the nicest guy on the popular reality show. Is he getting his own CBS series next season? Maybe Everybody Loves Ethan? You could almost hear the guy blush over the phone. “I didn’t try to be anything I wasn’t,” he said sheepishly.
The Massachusetts native snuck through the middle against electric Lex and cartoonish goat farmer Big Tom. Nice guys finish last, but dull guys often slip in under the radar.
He thinks his soccer playing days are over. “I gave myself five years to be a star in this sport,” he says. “It may be time to move on to something else.”
If endorsements or fame come his way, whatever. “I just wanted the title of Survivor: Africa champion.”
What about a Survivor Tournament of Champions? Burnett hinted that that was a possibility someday.
“Sure,” said Ethan, on hearing the idea for the first time, “but I wouldn’t want to go back right away.”
He was mobbed, along with the other Survivor kids, at the big finale taping two weeks ago in Los Angeles. He admitted he didn’t get to bed that night. “Right after the party, we had to get ready for the CBS Morning Show, which taped at 4 a.m. in Los Angeles,” he said.
The night before, Ethan had been out bar hopping in Los Angeles with Lex, Tom and many of the others. Still, nobody spilled the beans about Ethan and Kim Johnson being the final two players. Ethan says he had no problem keeping the secret, even from members of his own family. “It was worth it just to see their faces when I won,” he said.
His immediate plans are to marry Nicole Kidman and to have Madonna’s next child. He’s also up for the lead in the next Star Wars movie, right after he dries out at the Betty Ford Center.
None of this is true, but Lex would have at least made something up.